Des de Moor

Avocado Click here to visit the Downloads page for an MP3 file of this song. MP3 available
Water of Europe Water of Europe
One of 12 new English chansons and three covers on this 1999 solo album.
More details.
Des de Moor
voice, acoustic guitar
Julia Doyle
double bass
David Harrod
Daniel Teper

The closest I have to a 'greatest hit' -- it is the song I probably perform most regularly at gigs since it usually goes down so well.

Back in 1981 I worked for a few days as a hotel kitchen porter: it was one of the worst jobs I'd ever done but I got a poem out of it. Then in 1994 I re-read the poem: the one line 'Choose a plump ripe avocado' stuck in my head and soon acquired a tune. By the end of 1994 it had become a song, and was premiered at the first Pirate Jenny's in December. It's been an all-too-regular mainstay ever since, but it always goes down splendidly. Writing a song so 'naturally' always makes me suspicious that I've unconsciously ripped off the tune from somewhere else, but so far no-one has spotted an obvious source.

It was also the first song to be recorded for the Water of Europe album, back in July 1998.

This is a room
As small as a cell.
In a big hotel
It's as hot as hell
And airless as well.
An airbrushed Athena maid
On the wall is displayed
But the Blu-Tack's cracked
And the colours fade
And the manager raps on the door
Shouting: "Shift your arses
On down to the kitchen floor!".

So the sous chef woke the waiter
And down they piled,
One overdue chef, one later waiter,
One maître riled.
Bacon and eggs grease
The businessman's lips
So beg, fleece
And crawl for the tips,
Never cease: time
For lunchtime starters
To finish alone
From recipes carved in stone.

Choose a plump, ripe avocado
Just like on your first exam
At a college back in Glasgow.
Stop the memories if you can.
Take that plump, ripe avocado,
Slice it with the sharpest knife,
Smile and summon your bravado:
It's a cold, raw kind of life.

So the sous chef passed the waiter
A plat de jour,
Hoped for a new chef, hoped the waiter
Would wait till four,
Worked on while sagging
Chops fat and mean,
On fake French cuisine
Brought a nagging
Need to flee
From the greasy tiled floors
And padlocks on cellar doors.

Choose a plump, ripe avocado
For a luscious lettuce base.
Though it's soft as Brigitte Bardot
Yet it wears a tough old face.
Now you've braved the bastinado
Of frustration and regret
Drown that plump, ripe avocado
With a sour old vinaigrette.

Choose a plump, ripe avocado
As the memories rebound
On this ducking desperado,
Wages low, Live In All Found.
As you think back home to Glasgow
(Though you've not been there for years),
Choose a plump, ripe avocado,
Halve it, stone and fill with tears.

Written: Deptford, London, November 1994

Des de Moor

Des de Moor

© Copyright Des de Moor 1999

From the album Water of Europe (see left).

All rights reserved. No material on these pages can be reproduced in whole or in part in any form, except for short passages for the purpose of quotation or review, without prior written permission of the copyright owner.

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Water of Europe
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Sleaze City
Sharp Contradictions
Ordinary Joe (Andrew Brooks/Michael Hodges)
My Father Said (Jacques Brel)
Grandmother was a Hero
Last Orders Please
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